Tips For An Amicable Separation

 You might’ve been married for 50 years or been together for 50 days - breaking up can be tricky, and many emotions are involved. When you spend time with someone and start to share more of yourself, you are automatically in a more vulnerable position. 

One of the most challenging things is that often when a separation happens, there is still a lot of love - unless there has been infidelity or other upset and harm caused. 

It gets more complicated still when there are shared bills and children. 

Photo by Millequand Corentin on Unsplash

So how can you aim to have an amicable separation? 

One of the first things is that even when you aim to have a reasonable and fair separation, you need to know what your rights are, and that is where divorce law comes into play. Be clear on what you can and cannot do and what you are or are not entitled to. 

Don’t let it linger

Many people become guilty of this; instead of being honest and letting the other person know that it isn’t working for them, they let it drift until both parties are resentful - and one of you might even be confused. 

The moment you know for sure that you need to move on and that the relationship isn’t going to work out for you (even if it has for tens of years), be honest. There is no right moment to wait for; both of you deserve to be happy and move on. 

Think it through 

You might think that being single sounds excellent, and then the moment you are sitting alone in your new place - or on your friend’s couch, you might think it was a big mistake.  

Until the moment the words leave your mouth, you might not realise that it’s just an idea and not what you really want. 

Be prepared for questions about what is going on too, and ones that might make you question what you are doing. You both deserve honesty at this point, so be open - but be sure. 

Avoiding Venting In Front of Your Children

Keep your children's best interests in mind. Although your heart may be hurting and venting is temping, saying negative things about your partner in front of their parent can be destructive to their relationship and to their emotional well-being.

Practice empathy for what they might be going through and consider their feelings before going on a tirade about their other parent.

Keep Calm

Keeping yourself calm is also important here because words said in anger in this space are hard to take back. Consider therapy and other helpful means to work through your hurt and anger. Communicating clearly and honestly is a more constructive way to reach desirable outcomes.

Setting boundaries can be a healthy way to protect your emotional health while still remaining collaborative and open to working through solutions.

If you have young children, keep in mind that they will need help navigating through this, too: What You Can Do To Help Your Children Through The Divorce Process.